A Phoenix Rising

Dear Charlotte,

I won't lie to you. The training here has pushed me in so many different and difficult directions as an actor and as a person. The day in and day out physical and emotional strain of the program here has begun to take its toll. Walking the 2 miles home everyday has started to become amazingly difficult after busting my ass in Ballet, Russian Movement, Stage Combat and Acting. I thank God that my body has been able to last these five weeks. However, with seven more to go, I am hopeful that my body will be up to the task of carrying me on through those weeks to come.

I've been struggling a lot in acting class lately, Charlotte. Since the acting training is so hard here it's easy to lose sight of what acting is actually about rather than creating work that satisfies the need of an assignment. I had started creating work that wasn't satisfying to me and was not receiving positive feedback. I had hit a wall, a plateau of sorts, in my work and was struggling to find what works for me as an actor. This was very off-putting. I'm here in Moscow for 3 months and right now is the time for growth as an artist. So after 5 weeks of plateauing, the time had come for a change of place.

It was Halloween and on a whim I signed up to see a production of Richard III. Thankfully Marcin and Hannah, two of my favorite artistic strugglers at the time, had signed up before me and were excited to see something invigorating and inspiring as much as I was. The show was playing at Satiricon, a theatre managed by the most famous actor currently performing in Moscow, Konstantin Raikin. Satiricon is also infamously far away from the center of Moscow. So in order to get to there we had to take two different subways, followed by a shuttle bus, then accompanied by a 10 to 15 minute walk to the theatre itself. Being so far removed from MXT and then American Studio was a godsend, I felt so removed from my recent shortcomings as an artist. I felt so free from the walls of the artistic box I had put myself in, almost as if I had walked into some serene solitude within the confines of my so called artistic box.

The show itself was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen, as well as one of the most powerful. The set was made up of oversized furniture and little animals that looked liked poorly drawn sketches done by a child. Throughout the entire show Richard, played by Raikin, paraded around the stage hopping from oversized door to oversized table, sharing conversations with poorly drawn crows and even uglier penguins. Every time a character was killed it was done in an unconventional way. Clarence for example, was stabbed to death by two henchmen throwing glasses of wine on him, soaking his white shirt until it was a deep red. They then proceeded to clean the stage as if wiping up Clarence's blood. BRILLIANT.

The show climaxed at the part where the ghosts of those killed by Richard returned to visit him in his sleep. The entire scene was done with no dialogue. As every character came onstage, a heavy snowfall began. Richard rises from his bed and in terror and takes his place on an oversized chair, standing. As all the ghosts arrive, they all sit facing Richard, waving to him. It is at this moment that Richard speaks the infamous first monologue, "Now is the winter of our discontent, Made glorious summer by this sun of York..." I wish I could say I wasn't crying. I wish.

After the show I felt so inspired to go work and to be creative. I was inspired to create, to perform, to train, to stretch myself and to love the art in myself. It was such a needed experience, and I will be forever in debt to that show for re-inspiring me in a time of self doubt and exhaustion as an artist. Much like Marcin wrote about in is last post, I feel like a phoenix rising from the ashes, reborn. I passed my plateau and have reached a new level of artistry and I am excited to continue to explore that new level with passion, focus, energy and love.

Forever Yours,

Justin

Galloween and Swine

Dear Mr. Harvey Fancy Paws,

I am le tired. It has been a difficult week in acting class. One of our teachers scares me quite a bit and things have gotten progressively more….abusive? A strong word, but I think it fits. Trying to explain to non-artists what this sort of thing feels like is impossible. I suck right now, once I was a good actress but I am no longer.
It snowed this week. It’s so pretty…so cold, but it makes my heart so warm. I was falling asleep on the window ledge in the American studio green room, looking out at the other roof tops during a break, feeling glad about my life. My near sleep brain became very poetic and I thanked whatever powers that be for the “ocean of steely gray sky against dilapidated red brick and tin.” The swirling snow outside makes it feel more like Christmas than Halloween.
Any way. This week I saw the play “Damon” directed by Demitri Krimov. The space was like a lighthouse; long and cylindrical, and the audience all sat in boxes. We didn’t get seats, so we were literally crouched on the catwalk at the very top of the space looking down at the heads of the actors. The show was extremely interesting, even from a bird’s eye view. The stage was covered in layers and layers of paper which the actors painted on, ripped up, and molded into other shapes. Example: the actors cam out with long brushes on sticks and buckets of paint, and they painted large naked figures on the stage representing Adam and Eve. Then one of the actors dipped his fingers in some paint and gave Eve a beautiful seductive mouth…he then picked up a bull-whip (cue snake sound effects) and began to move the whip as if it were a snake. He poked a small hole in Eve’s paper mouth and threaded the whip through it. Then all at once, he yanked the whip and ripped down the full length of Eve’s paper body. He began to wildly swing the whip, thrashing the paper and destroying both Adam and Eve completely. Meanwhile, epic orchestra music is wailing in the background and the entire stage is a blur of flying paper. Then the storm ends and the actors rush out to wad the paper into a giant ball. Confetti starts sprinkling down towards the stage, and suddenly there is a paper snowball fight happening… and so on and so on. It was a beautiful spectacle, very intelligently done.
On Friday we toured the Moscow Art Theater itself. It’s the most impressive theater I’ve ever seen. They have everything you could ever desire in a space; when they go on tour, they have to redesign their shows because there really are no theaters that share all the capabilities of the Moscow Art Theater. There is something so special about an empty stage. The air is still pregnant from last night’s catharsis. Almost all theaters share a similar smell; it’s the combination of dust, paint, cut wood, heat, and bodies. There are the irregular bricks painted black to match the black floor – the random bits of graffiti and stray flecks of paint; the forgotten pieces of glitter and confetti pushed into the corners by the brooms. Little things with a whole other reality attached to them. It makes me want to cry when I think about it.
That night I was supposed to see Medea, but the director did not appreciate Americans in the audience. The Angel who guided us there was sneaking us inside in groups of between 1 and 5 people under strict instruction not to speak English. A bunch of us ended up just going home since it wasn’t really working out to get everyone a seat. Honestly, I think it’s very telling about the director; a director should be confident enough in his work to trust that his vision will ring true to the audience even without understanding the language.
That same day we were struck with the swine flu crisis; a first year Russian student was diagnosed with Swine flue, prompting everyone to pretty much go crazy. The funny thing is, they don’t just quarantine people who are sick, they totally separate us to the best of their ability based on nationality. Thus was our Halloween party sort of ruined, since none of the Russians were allowed to attend.
Before the party last night, I saw Richard III. Oh. My. God. Imagine if Tim Burton was like way better than he actually is and he decided to come up with the design concept for that play; then imagine the best acting you’ve ever seen on that same stage. That was my night. Reikin is an extremely famous actor and teacher. He played Richard; he’s probably the best actor I’ve ever seen. The end. The sound design was great too….I loved that they played “Goodnight Baby” while they killed people on stage. I love that they jumped around on giant marshmallow parachute mattress for a whole chunk of the play. It’s really difficult to describe these things in word…I’m struggling to find the right thing to say, so I’m going to move on to other topics. Yeah, Halloween was nothing too special. I actually had more fun after the party was over.
Today I am going too see Swan Lake at the Bolshoi. Um. I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am.
Love, love, love –
Hannah

The Little Big Things (pictures)

Buses (compare to the one before) Friends in cold weather, (pre-phoenix talk)
Snow :)

The most interesting picture I own. Lenin's Tomb, and to our left is Stalin's grave (You can see the three stone carved heads, he's the middle one). Just think about this for a second.

Metro

The Little Big Things

Hey Comrades,
Another day in Russia--actually, another two weeks in Russia. As you can probably guess its not easy to write about. However, Hannah managed to write a blog last week so I have to (1) wirte one for this week and (2) make mine better than hers for this week. ;) See, I already have an internal blog joke...its like an inside joke, but for blogs. hmmm...
Anywho,
We've already encountered our first snow in Moscow. I was actually surprised that we had snow (I know, you may think this is dumb) but that's because the mayor of Moscow has decided to put a certain chemical into the clouds that are approaching moscow which would force them to produce and dump their snow before arriving over Москва. When we heard about this everyone had some sort of freak out. I guess that's because the idea of putting chemicals in the clouds and then hoping that it wouldn't rain back down on us was somehow a daunting one. All in all, it still snowed, so I can't imagine imagine what the light, white flurry would be like without our man-made, mother nature controlling chemicals. Either way, Москва is beautiful, and the snow actually makes it feel more like home, (maybe that's cuz I'm from Ithaca and Colorado or it's because...) the fur hats, gloves and large jackets are coming out--the Russian style of winter is finally setting in-- and it feels goooooood.
Swine flu has come to MXAT. The school has taken precausions in order to protect the American Students--they have a week long quarantine where no russians students are aloud to interact with the american student--the idea is a good one--but like communism, and human nature in general--it's just not working. We still find time to smoke with Russain friends in the hallway and sneak in some fun time with them at the local discoteque. Actually, we all find it to be quite humorous due to the fact that if you walked into our dorm and up the stairs (avoiding touching the rails), you would see about, give or take, 3 russians with 3 amercans, two of which are wearing a face mask (the one that covers your nose and mouth, as if you were doing a surgery on someone), two of which had their face mask around their neck, one who "forgot" his upstairs and the last one who just really doesn't believe he/she will get swine flu. Funny. Yes? And we have to take two pills a day which boost our immune system provided by the MXAT school. They really take good care of us, and I can't thank them enough.
I took my weekly walk with Justin to the grocery store today to buy eggs (yaytsa, яйцо) and milk (malako, молоко) and we got to talking about how this is the time to lose it. This is the time to really dive in and hurt ourselves. I have a month and a half before I come back to the USA and I need to take advantage of every moment in every class. We saw Richard III yesterday and Richard was played by one of Russia's most famous actors--Konstantin Raikin. This was one of the most awe inspiring performances I have ever seen. I believed every movement, every breath, every smile, and every moment of silence. Sad thing (and amazing thing) is that Raikin, albeit the most famous actor in Russia (who teaches at MXAT) is still considered to be second in talent--to who?-- his father, the famous soviet actor of the last century. Justin told me how when Raikin was in school for acting he would work on personal Etudes (scenettes) until 2 or 3 am in the morning and then get his partners to rehearse the scene. People considered him to be an animal. The passion and drive this man had and HAS is phenomenal--and you can tell that that passion still lives inside of him, even after being as famous as he already is. It's time to be an animal--dig deep, sleep less, for the greater good of achieving something worthwhile, something worth sharing, worth experiencing.
Tonight I'm seeing "Swan Lake" at the Балшой (Balshoi) Theatre. This is our "Phoenix Rising" as Justin would call it. I might cry I'll be so inspired. I figure though, a phoenix can't only be inspired to rise, it takes effort and an immense want of life....
ok. Peace and Love,
Marcin

Almost all the leaves have dropped

Dear Mr. Harvey Fancey Paws,
It's Sunday, of course. It's colder today. The leaves have mostly dropped off the trees. I'm absolutely in love with the view from my dorm window -- it overlooks the park, the one Marcin posted pictures of -- and the fruit stand. On a Sunday it's like a scene from a European art flick. Lots of yellow leaves, mothers with baby prams, tiny people bundled from head to foot chasing pigeons, people walking dogs, and lovers strolling.
It was a weird week. I think my body has finally started to feel the strain of never sleeping enough. Early in the week we saw "Woe from Wit" performed by the graduate students. They're a very impressive bunch. I was underwhelmed with the beginning of the show, not because the acting wasn't great -- mostly because I was just too sleep deprived to get excited about anything less than spectacular. Spectacular happened later on when the chorus got involved. I'm actually very curious about choruses; I don't know very much about it, but I've never seen a chorus I didn't like. There is something so incredibly powerful about a unified ensemble voice and body, and when you can marry that with a strong individual character, the end result is enthralling. Other than that, I didn't see any shows. It's my fault for not signing up to see any. Stupid me. Oh, except for last night. We saw one of our acting teachers in a farcical comedy about a play going horribly wrong. The show itself was okay; it was funny but nothing monumental. Sasha however, was extremely enjoyable to watch. Maybe I loved his performance because I love him so much, but either way, I enjoyed myself. I would like to explain my teachers better via this blog, but I feel like the only way to accurately describe them is through impressions. They are both such characters...with very different views on acting. Sometimes when Alex and Sasha start arguing in class, I feel like a little kid sitting at the top of the stairs listening to my parents fight -- and I don't know whose side to take. It's very confusing. Like everything in that class. I'm sure any actor reading this will know what I'm talking about when I say this -- I'm going through one of those phases when I feel like I know nothing, and I can't do anything. I'm not on a plateau; I'm getting worse. I've been journaling a lot, trying to figure out what is going on, trying to tell myself that I like the frustration because it means I'm being challenged. I've realized that Ithaca is actually very focused on training their actors physically. And I like that; I think it really works. But when you are doing a new etude every single day and you don't have a script to analyze...things get a little hazy. When I have a script, I can tear it apart and find the character, love them, pick out objectives, tactics, and write in my subtext; then I take my friends -- laban, rasas, bioenergetics, and so on and so on -- and make something cohesive. When I make an etude I function as writer, director, and actor...and without thinking I just start doing stuff, ussually physical stuff, as I try to "create" my etude. And in these instances I am not being vulnerable, and I'm not motivating everything in an organic way, I'm just throwing myself around on stage and it sucks. But obviously I know what the problem is...and in theory I know what I should do to fix it. But theories are bullshit, pardon my french. (I don't understand that idiom. There is nothing french about the word "bullshit," in fact, I can't really think of anything more American) I wish that someone could give me something tangible to focus on, because looking at everything from an intellectual standpoint is making me mildly suicidal. kidding. Was that in poor taste?
So yeah. Yesterday was a very hard day in Acting, so I wisely decided to take it easy and not go out last night. I ate my feelings and observed the drunks when they came back at curfew. I'm sure I've mentioned the Babuski before -- they let us in and out. In the dorms, the halls and kitches are all under survelance, and the babushki sit in front of the monitors. I know for a fact that many interesting things happen under the eyes of the babuski, specially on the weekends. I think that would be fascinating job. If acting doesn't work out, I'm coming back to Russia to be a Babuska. Kirsten's roomie was drunk, and because of her aversion to vomit, she slept in my room. Kenya was a very emotional drunk -- something about lost pasta was making her cry. So she ended up sleeping in my bed too, though she got up and vanished sometime around 7 am.
And ALL OF A SUDDEN it was after noon. So we woke up and went to brunch. This time Kenya, Sam and Lizzie came with us. And that was good, and so was our trip to the grocery store, and so was the junk food I ate, and now, so is sitting in my room typing on this blog, sipping green tea and observing the park outside.
ANY WAY. This was a poorly constructed blog, but I'm not going to edit it. If you're lucky, I might spell check it in a second. This concludes my rant. The end.
Hannah

Russian Fall

Laundry, Roomate, Mood Lighting




Buses at Rest After a Busy Week

Fall

:) здравтвуйте (hello),

Well I lost my Blog due to the awesome internet connection I sometime have here. So i'll just post this. Cuz its better than nothing right?
I saw Dimitri Krimov yesterday. It was a legendary day. He stood behind me. Let's just remember this moment--cuz this was a moment I'll never forget. Funny, when he stood behind me, I mistook him for an average human being. Then I saw his show...well..haha.
;)
sorry that it's short.

Peace, Love and Frustration,
Marcin

Da. Het.

Kapustnick

Tverskya -- The street outside of the school
Dear Mr. Harvey Fancey Paws,
It's Sunday again! The only time I get to write on this thing. Kapustnick happend. I've decided to change my spelling of it. It was fun. It was totally weird going into this new, very tight community and participating as an outsider. I'm still not caught up on sleep from this crazy week.
On Monday I saw Tartuffe. I think I might be the only one who liked it...it made zero sense and was totally weird. For the first act I sat there with my mouth hanging open feeling a bit violated...but by the second act I warmed up. Imagine if Lady Gaga decided to direct Tartuffe without reading it first while trying to incoperate some softcore porn. But I love weird things...I even love unwarranted weird things. And I would just like to point out that no one fell asleep during that show, even though we were all extremely tired.
I did not get to see Pillow Man yesterday...the tickets were unavailable. I was extremely disapointed. My other big bummer is that I've somehow reawakend my back injury. Movement is probably my favorite class, and my back is the most flexible part of my body, but because of my current state, I can't participate fully and it's driving me INSANE. I hope I've just bruised it and that I haven't seriously hurt myself.
On Friday I saw a show that I hated. It was some odd version of Ivanov that basically just upset me. They tried to make some sort of slapstick farce out of it. I left at intermission.
Then, just now, I saw a dance show called "Carmen." It was more movement than dance, but I loved every second. It was very sensual, and very engaging. I'm feeling rather inspired right now actually...I would love to do something like that for an etude.
I'm telling you about my week all out of order. Okay. So Monday I saw Tartuffe, and then we rehearsed for Kapustnick all week. Thursday was the actual Kapusti Party. Friday I saw stupid Ivanov. Saturday night I tried and failed to see Pillowman and ended up coming home instead. THEN I went out with a small group to a bar called Vinograd...or something like that. I danced almost the entire time I was there, and then two cosmos and one vodka shot later, made my way home...where the fun continued. I made an unfortunate discovery around 4 am, however. To prevent fires, the Babushkas cut the power to all the stoves and ovens. I wanted eggs, but niet. couldn't make eggs.
Now we are on Sunday. Kirsten woke me up. We have decided to go out to brunch ever sunday, so I showered and we took off to find coffee and other such goodies. It was an absolutely beautiful day...cold fall air, yellow leaves, and a perfect blue sky. I ran little errands and bought fruit from a wonderfully kind lady on the street. I can see her fruit stand from my window...it's one of my favorite things. The colors of the produce strike me as incredibly beautiful. I wonder if I will still see her when the winter sets in.
And THEN! I COOKED! and it was delicious. I'm bringing it for lunch tomorrow. AND THEN! I went to see Carmen. And that was delicious too. And Now, I'm home, writing a blog. Soon, I will be feeling very frustrated along with the rest of the ensemble as we try to construct tomorrow's etude.
Love, love.
Hannah